Dry Drunk??

Just reflecting on a POST that I wanted to share a few weeks back on when the stress and depression was really kicking my Ass until I just stopped picking up the bottle for a bit. I reached into my pocket and my normal instinct would be that I would be reaching for a "nip" (small bottle/one shot of booze) of some sort (Vodka, Whiskey Rum, svedka, bacardi; ok you get the point). I had to not laugh but smile to myself because what was actually in my pocket was a small bottle of B-12 vitamins. Coming to grips with myself and how I let things go so far that I got the the point of carrying nips in my pocket is not a good thing at all. Having sober time, is important because at the very least it helps in re-gaining a semblance of control over one's actions.When it reaches that point of carrying NIPS in your POCKET...this is a very serious problem. Drinking may be the outer layer of deeper issues, it always is. Have the courage to take some time with yourself, look in the mirror and say I WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. I will invite HAPPINESS and JOY into my life. Reflections today.....heading into 2013....Letting go of toxicity. toxic people, behaviours, environments, etc. Sobriety as a consciousness raising and retuned thought process; it's like moving from an addiction centered mind to a conscious mind and letting go of discomfort with Self. It has always concerned me over the years when I attended AA meetings and when some meeting goers shared, they shared about gratitude but they also shared about bitterness and unhappiness. In fact one guy who shared at the meeting; this happened to be a gay AA meeting, was 20 years sober so he said but he was also bitter after so much sober time and frankly that scarred me. I attended this particular meeting during a period when I was off of the bottle for several weeks. Just to mention that the most consistent sober time that I have had in my adult life so far has been 14 months; admittedly with an occasional Odouls; a non-alcoholic brew.

I have also been exposed to a client of mine who I have been exposed to for over 2 years; who claims five years of sobriety; though he did have one slip on a beer binge but stopped immediately as far as I know. I ask the question does it really matter because as far as I can tell this person has switched from booze addiction to PILL addiction and prescription drug addiction including sleeping pills. I've come to know that this person has deep clinical and other mental health issues that may be more debilitating than and or the root cause of his alcoholism. I've come to know and consider this person to be a "nasty piece of work"; with addiction issues and underlying rage and rejection that is totally unhealthy. This also takes me back to a friend that was ready to end our friendship over a $20 dispute. She had more than 15 years sober and to me was still very manipulative. She was a friend that lifted me up and took me to an AA meeting when I was on a real d binder many, many years ago and for that I will be forever grateful. I truly believe that any form of Sobriety must also contain practical "practice" of some spiritual element and or self realization. My point being that recognizing that one/you/I have a drinking problem may be part of and underlying and or many underlying co-factors in a person's life. At best and at worst, active drinking for many years becomes a crux to cope unless there is a series of dramatic "positive" changes in a person's life; in other words, we may not even know that we have sub-consciously given into the addiction and or addictive behaviour until we are forced to recognize that, that is the case. A dramatic consciousness raising and or spiritual awakening and self realization in my opinion is an extremely important component of a conscious mind and thought process that in turn effects our behaviour(s) and helps us achieve other levels of conscious living. Funny after all of these years, I really am beginning to understand the concept of the dry drunk and it's really scary.