My alcoholism stages and depression by Chris

I came across this story the other day. It is very inspiring and shows that we have the power to change with the help of our God and our higher power! My alcoholism stages and depression by Chris From Chris. It was a while before I even realised I was depressed. It took even longer to realise that I was an alcoholic. But the suspicion of a link between feeling bad and drink was what perhaps, occcurred to me first. At this time I knew nothing of the alcholism stages or alcoholism symptoms or even depression for that matter. All I knew was that I felt bad. Depressed, worthless and inadequate I'll talk about the depression first - that last sentence is only a half truth. I didn't just feel bad, I felt useless. Worthless. I didn't want to leave my flat. I had a job, but it only served as a stage where I could play out my inadequacies and reveal to myself time and time again just how useles I was. I felt that life had nothing to offer me, in fact it had cheated me of things that were rightfully mine. This was a misconception - but I'll come to that later. One of the most tragic things about depression is the self-contained attempts to overcome it. The reading I did on it, the conversations with friends, the list I made of why I was depressed and what I would have to do to get over it (i.e. give up drinking and smoking and workout more) - none of it worked, which just made the situation seem more hopeless.

About my alcoholism I didn't know I was an alcoholic. I did know that I drank a lot. I knew that I drank more than other people. I suspected that it was the cause of my depression. But I was unwiling to let go of the thing, the only thing, that made me feel better. Feel better? Didn't I just say it was making me depressed? Alcoholism is full of little paradoxes like that. Was I an alcoholic? I drank everyday. I drank to the point that I had no more money. The girlfriend didn't want to know me, the job was slipping away. But surely I can't be an alcoholic, I told myself. I went to A.A. - they gave me some knowledge, including alcoholism stages and I was prepared to admit that I had some of the symptoms of alcoholism but that I wasn't the real deal - so I stopped going. However, I did stop drinking - Life got better. - The depression went away. - I've cracked it! It was the drink making me depressed. - I've been sober for a few months. - Maybe I can drink again? - Let's give it a try. - Now I feel a bit bad. - Drink again to hide the feeling. - Now I feel worthless. - Drink again. - Back to daily drinking and square one. Every time I drank after that I felt that I robbed myself just a little bit more of anything meaningful of worthwhile in life. - Depression. For me these describe some of the alcoholism stages as I experienced them. Taking responsibility Okay. So for me depression and alcoholism were linked. I went back to Alcoholics Anonymous, accepting that I was an alcoholic, ready to listen and to act. I also learned that the things that I felt life had cheated out of me were things that I'd never really put any effort into. And that the things that were bad that weren't my fault didn't have to rule me. I could take responsibility for my own happiness. But how? Accessing and using the right help

That was where AA came in. They gave me a constructive and results based spiritual programme to follow. This allowed me to do esteemable things. Doing esteemable things gave me good self esteem - this eroded my depression and kept me sober. So in summary I would say that in my case I was depressed because of alcoholism. When the drink went away the depression went away. As I understand it people become depressed for many reasons - a break up, bereavement, loss of a job/unemployment, financial insecurity...etc. Certainly I experienced all of these things within the arena of my alcoholism. But alcoholism was the main deal and when I took care of it the other aspects went away - or rather I learnt to deal with them, thanks to A.A.. The problem was that I had become identified with my drinking, my depression, my pain. If I dared to 'get over it' it was like the depression was waiting in ambush to grab me and punish me for daring to even attempt to 'get over it'. Fear! That's why I needed help. On my own it was too much. So I turned to those in the know and followed their advice and found.... That I could take control of what was in my head and become responsible for my own happiness. Maybe it will be that way with you too. The root of your depression maybe different to mine but if you're willing, my experience is that you'll find the answers that you need. Today I still regularly attend AA meetings and follow their programme of action to get through the alcoholism stages. I haven't had a drink in 5 years. I help others to become sober and get over the alcoholism symptoms and in so doing escape from the prison of my own head. In this way I am sober and, importantly, happy. -------------------------------- Elly's response: Chris, thank you very much for sharing your story. I have no doubt that other people will take comfort from it and be inspired by it. I can see that you have come through some really dark stages in your life. You show how - by having used the right resources, internal and external - you have been able to deal with the different stages of alcoholism and get over that depression.